i need to stop doing everything wrong.

reminder

All of Our Lives

In our daily lives, we share common experiences with friends, coworkers, lovers, and complete strangers we cross on the street.  But these experiences are rarely as similar as we expect them to be.

A man and a woman may share a moment.  To her, it’s a gesture of romantic interest, but to him it’s just a friendly, intelligent conversation.  A mother may discipline her teenage son.  To the mother, it’s good parenting, but to her son, it’s oppression.  Two Web 2.0 startup founders may work tirelessly to design a new social networking platform.  To one, the project is about helping people communicate more effectively. To the other, it’s about breaking new technological ground.

We all have different needs, different perspectives, and thus different means for understanding and describing our experiences.  This is why we rarely have the same exact interpretation of a shared experience.

These differences are often cited as the reason relationships don’t work. “We just weren’t meant to be together,” a woman might say.  “My mom doesn’t understand,” a teenager might say.  “Our vision doesn’t seem to be compatible,” one startup founder might say about the other.

But that’s just an easy out. And it’s oftentimes dead wrong.  Such differences can be precisely the reason relationships do work.

If that woman wasn’t initially disappointed by that man, they probably wouldn’t be business partners and good friends today.  If that teenager wasn’t disciplined and nurtured by his mother, he may have decided to get into the car with his drunken friends the night they wrapped it around a telephone pole.  If one startup founder didn’t focus on technology and the other didn’t focus on people, their vision and their work would be far more limited.

It’s important that we see things differently.  Because when our different visions eventually mesh together…

Positive change transpires in all of our lives

Closed Bag Exchange

Two people meet and exchange closed bags, with the understanding that one of them contains money, and the other contains a purchase. Either player can choose to honor the deal by putting into his or her bag what he or she agreed, or he or she can defect by handing over an empty bag.

In this game, defection is always the best course, implying that rational agents will never play. However, in this case both players cooperating and both players defecting actually give the same result, assuming there are no gains from trade, so chances of mutual cooperation, even in repeated games, are few.

in repair

lately i think i’ve been really self absorbed. simply going through motion and ignorant as a brat. but i dont deny i have i tried to care about things. maybe not to the best of my ability. its kinda like a, let down. a disappointment.

but in any case, the week that passed was really nasty. i ought to do better once i rest enough this weekend. projects will always be there, cant runaway. fatigue got me this time.

watched two episodes of House. Gregory House. Hugh Laurie. It’s no wonder I’m a big fan of this character, this show. How he creates a parallel universe for himself and that denial oof everything he has ever since wanted to avoid. He’s a genius on his own. Its nice how it all works out with his best friend and team of diagnosis specialists. The things he say, one can relate. Its as though you almost have this bit of sympathy for this guy. But you really got to try to not hate him at the same time. The contradiction works out perfectly. Life, is cynical.

sitting at the open area of starbucks right smack in the middle of cityhall, sun beaming in through the rooftop glass, cloudy air with a stench of french fries from next door. cant help but reflect a little bit. i think what got to me was the moment i realize the table next to me, they’re deaf/mute and communicating through sign language. not the first time i saw this but that silent among them made me a little nonchalant. i dont know why it even affected me. the girl who was at the table just left and she smiled at me.

i just appreciate staring into space at this moment now. people watching. nothing really going into my head but just figures moving past me.

right now, i just wanna be a sponge. soak up everything that’s around me.

im happy.im happy.im happy.im happy.im happy.im happy.im happy.im happy.im happy.im happy.im happy.

awesome weekend peeps.

singing sick lullabies

I’m trying really hard to sleep. Really hard. Head’s pounding and the sick feeling in my stomach won’t go away.

I don’t like vday. I never didn’t and I think I wouldn’t like it. It should just all go away.
Just go away.

So I told my interviewer I eat chocolate to manage stress. And the one word to describe myself is fun.
Seriously. What was I thinking.

Had a very disappointing day at school. I never paid any attention to seminar, lecture and project meeting. I couldn’t keep my eyes open at all. I reckon it would be the same tomorrow. Sigh. Sometimes I should just shoot myself.
No excuse.

Its pretty much hell week. Or should I say weeks. Many many things are spinning out of control and I’m trying my best to regain my footing.
Including myself.
I see that same cycle, again. A million voices in my head are telling me to avoid it. Stop breaking things.
Everything I touch breaks apart. I kind of have enough of that.

I miss writing. Even gibberish. I miss it. Are there still people in this void?

And truth is, I’m still sad. But whatever.

http://www.yout…

 

 

sting; live in berlin.

BEST music in a long time.

its not enough …

its not enough to know what i dont want, its more than necessary to know what the heck i want with my life. but then again, i thought im pretty okay with almost anything.

i’m bulletproof, nothing to lose

maybe the weather’s too cold. maybe its too boring a friday night. maybe i’m not doing something right. whatever it is, it calls for liquor. some. but oh wells. i am a good girl right?
what do i have except my dearest barilla case and some textbook i barely flipped through for 2 minutes. suppose to cover 5 chapters. ah whatever.

Applied for internship and i’m keeping my fingers crossed. Cause i really hope to get those Phase 1 choices. Pray for me please?

I did something i thought it felt fabulous today. Blasted adele (Set fire to the rain) and another random song (Day and Night) in the car while i’m on the way home. Sing at the top of your lungs and the volume of the stereo still drowns you out. Its amazing. I should do it more often.

I’ve been keeping away from things for quite a while. At least a month already. Actually a month. I think I did get somethings out of it. One thing’s for sure. I’m stronger.

Very blessed

all that’s dead and gone

just close your eyes, you’ll be safe and sound.

i like for everyone to think that this space is dead. like forgotten in its own little dirt. anyway, chinese new year just passed. it was nice. spent pretty much the entire new year’s eve just lying in my own room. struggling hard not to walk out to get ice cream or roam around the mall. i had to fight the urge. it was just so difficult to sit down.

but waited till dinner when we 5 gathered together again. pleasant as it was. all the small bickering over how to go about distributing the red packets. daddy really had no choice but to close one eye. it was nice. i love that scene of us altogether. i will miss it. headed for the nursery with daddy before going to the temple where mom was busy. we all went. drove around geylang to find tauhuay with sisters and daddy. it was a night i like to keep in my head.

i remember having some really nice ramen the night before that. plus trying to find our way into pumproom for jive talking. failed miserably because guys gotta be 25.

cny was usual but this year i think i got a little more involved in everything. talking here and there, serving drinks and shaking hands of all those who came. i wish i played more mahjong though. i havent exactly had enough with one or two games here and there.
the next time we all gather would be grandma’s birthday and sister’s engagement i guess.

i contemplated about life.
it has treated me well. very well actually. i can’t complain. lately things have been going so smooth it seems as though i’m just waiting for it to all mess up. but that really shouldnt be the case. of course there are small things that bug me here and there. but i think i know where i belong. where i should be now that i’m 21. there are more things than to just trying to feel like i belong somewhere.
but i ought to be thankful. very thankful for all that i have in my life. the friends, the family, the things that i wake up to everyday. im blessed. very blessed.

i stayed away from my phone quite abit lately. those texts that come in. the emails and the whatsapp. the bbm and the social networking. im putting that aside and i think it helps. helps me focus on what i have in front of me in reality. anyway the phone is half broken. i should pretty much just wait for it to become obsolete.

anyway, i hope i am not neglecting too many things and i hope i am focusing on the right stuff. i’m 21 this year. things are gonna be different. i’m gonna grow up. alot more.